Relationship uncertainty after suspected infidelity can be distressing. People often consider a lie detector test or polygraph examination because they want clarity about a specific concern. However, the most important part of the process is not simply “asking questions” — it is formulating appropriate, fair and testable questions.
In an infidelity polygraph examination, the questions must be specific, behaviourally focused and agreed before the examination begins. A polygraph is not a test of love, character or future loyalty. It may provide investigative information about clearly defined past behaviour, but it should not be treated as a substitute for counselling, legal advice, safeguarding action or personal decision-making. Dr Keith Ashcroft, Principal Forensic Polygraph Examiner at the Centre for Forensic Neuroscience, considers relationship and infidelity polygraph enquiries after a confidential discussion about suitability, consent and scope.
What Is an Infidelity Polygraph Examination?
An infidelity polygraph examination is a specific-issue relationship polygraph examination relating to alleged or suspected relationship behaviour. It may involve issues such as:
- Sexual contact with another person
- Physical intimacy outside the relationship
- Dating app use
- Secret messaging or communication
- Online sexual behaviour
- Pornography use, where relevant and properly scoped
- Contact with a named person
- Breach of an agreed relationship boundary
- Disclosure verification after an admission
The issue must be clearly defined before any examination is accepted. A polygraph examination is not a general investigation into someone’s character or relationship history.
What Types of Questions Can Be Asked?
Suitable infidelity polygraph questions usually concern specific past behaviour. Good questions are:
- Clear and specific
- Time-limited
- Behaviourally focused
- Understood by the examinee before testing
- Linked to the agreed issue
- Capable of being answered yes or no
- Discussed and agreed before the examination
Examples of Better Question Types
- “Since [date], have you had sexual contact with anyone other than [partner]?”
- “Since [date], have you kissed [named person]?”
- “Since [date], have you met [named person] for sexual purposes?”
- “Since [date], have you used [specific dating app] to arrange sexual contact?”
- “Since [date], have you sent sexual messages to [named person]?”
- “During your relationship with [partner], have you had sexual intercourse with anyone else?”
Important: These are illustrative examples only. Actual questions should be formulated after a proper case discussion with the examiner. Learn more about polygraph question formulation.
What Questions Should Not Be Asked?
Some questions are unsuitable because they are vague, emotional, speculative, future-focused, moral, or impossible to answer reliably:
- “Do you love me?”
- “Are you a good partner?”
- “Will you ever cheat again?”
- “Are you hiding anything?”
- “Have you ever lied to me?”
- “Do you find someone else attractive?”
- “Are you sorry?”
- “Can I trust you?”
- “Is everything you said completely true?”
- “Have you ever thought about cheating?”
These questions are unsuitable because they involve feelings, motives or future intentions; they are too broad or ambiguous; they may mean different things to different people; and they are not behaviourally specific.
Why Timeframes Matter
Timeframes help make questions fair and testable. A clear timeframe reduces ambiguity and focuses the examination on the period that matters. Examples include:
- “Since the start of the relationship”
- “Since your wedding date”
- “Since January 2025”
- “Since the disclosure on [date]”
- “Between [date] and [date]”
Overly broad timeframes may make the examination less focused, especially where there are many historical concerns or unclear boundaries.
Why Definitions Matter
Terms must be clearly understood by both the examiner and the examinee. Where relevant, terms such as the following should be clarified or defined before the examination:
- Sexual contact or sexual intercourse
- Kissing or intimate touching
- Dating app use
- Messaging or online communication
- Pornography
- Escort or paid sexual contact
- Online sexual communication
Some terms, such as “emotional affair” or “inappropriate behaviour”, may be too subjective for polygraph testing unless they can be converted into specific, observable behaviours.
Can Questions Be Asked About Online Behaviour?
Questions about online behaviour may be possible if they are specific and clearly defined. Potentially suitable areas include:
- Use of dating apps to arrange contact
- Sexual messaging with a named person
- Sending or receiving explicit images
- Arranging meetings with a specific person
- Use of paid sexual services websites
Questions such as “Have you done anything inappropriate online?” or “Have you flirted with anyone?” are generally unsuitable because people define “flirting”, “inappropriate” and “sexual” differently. The question must be specific enough for the examinee to understand exactly what is being asked.
Can Questions Be Asked About Pornography Use?
Pornography-related questions may be considered where they are directly relevant to the agreed issue, but the scope must be specific and handled carefully. Suitable framing may require a clear timeframe, an agreed definition, a specific behaviour and relevance to the disclosure or relationship agreement.
This article does not present pornography use as inherently pathological. Where pornography is relevant to a disclosure or behavioural accountability process, the question formulation should be proportionate and non-shaming.
Can Questions Be Asked About Sex Workers or Escorts?
Questions may be possible where the issue is specific and properly scoped. For example:
- “Since [date], have you paid for sexual contact with another person?”
- “Since [date], have you met an escort for sexual purposes?”
Legal, safeguarding, exploitation or risk issues may require careful consideration. This article does not provide legal advice on these matters.
Can Questions Be Asked About Future Behaviour?
No, not in the way many people hope. A polygraph cannot reliably answer questions such as “Will they cheat again?”, “Can I trust them in the future?” or “Will they stay faithful?”
Polygraph questions should generally focus on specific past behaviour, not promises, intentions or future choices. A polygraph examination is not a guarantee of future fidelity.
Are Surprise Questions Used?
No. In a professional polygraph examination, relevant questions are discussed and understood before testing. Surprise questions are not used. This supports informed consent, clarity, fairness, reduced ambiguity and professional practice.
What If One Partner Wants Many Questions?
Polygraph examinations are not designed to test a long list of every worry, suspicion or argument. The issue usually needs to be narrowed to a small number of relevant questions that address the central concern.
A professional examiner may help identify the most important issue and may decline questions that are unsuitable, emotionally loaded or outside the proper scope of the examination. For guidance on selecting an examiner, see our article on how to choose a polygraph examiner in the UK.
Consent, Pressure and Relationship Safety
Informed consent is essential. A polygraph examination should not be used to intimidate, punish, control or humiliate a partner. The examinee must understand the process and should not be coerced.
- Safeguarding concerns must be taken seriously
- The examination may be unsuitable where there is fear, intimidation or risk
- Professional boundaries matter
- A professional examiner should be willing to decline cases where consent is in doubt
A polygraph examination is a professional forensic procedure, not a tool for relationship control or punishment.
What Happens Before the Questions Are Finalised?
The process typically involves:
- A confidential enquiry to understand the concern
- A suitability assessment
- Discussion of the issue and the behaviour in question
- Clarification of the relevant timeframe
- Draft question formulation
- A structured pre-test interview
- Final confirmation of questions
- Informed consent
For practical guidance on what to expect, see our article on how to prepare for a polygraph examination.
What Happens After the Examination?
Results are explained in context and a written report may be provided where appropriate. A result should not be used as the sole basis for major relationship, legal, employment or safeguarding decisions. It should be considered alongside the wider context and, where relevant, appropriate professional advice.
Examples of Better and Poorer Infidelity Questions
Poor: “Are you hiding anything from me?”
Better: “Since [date], have you had sexual contact with anyone other than [partner]?”
Poor: “Do you still have feelings for them?”
Better: “Since [date], have you met [named person] for sexual purposes?”
Poor: “Have you been inappropriate online?”
Better: “Since [date], have you sent sexual messages to [named person]?”
Poor: “Will you cheat again?”
Note: Future-intention questions are generally unsuitable for polygraph testing.
Why Clients Contact Dr Keith Ashcroft
Dr Keith Ashcroft considers relationship and infidelity polygraph enquiries through the Centre for Forensic Neuroscience. Clients contact Dr Ashcroft because he provides:
- A confidential initial discussion before any appointment is accepted
- Careful suitability assessment
- Professional boundaries and informed consent
- No surprise questions
- Careful question formulation tailored to the specific concern
- A written report where appropriate
- Results explained within appropriate limits
Examinations may be arranged at suitable professional venues in Manchester, Preston, London, Birmingham, Edinburgh or elsewhere in the UK. For information on polygraph examination costs, see our dedicated article.
Conclusion
Infidelity polygraph questions need to be specific, fair, behaviourally focused and agreed in advance. The process may assist with clarity about a defined issue, but it cannot answer every emotional, relational or future-focused concern. A polygraph examination is not a test of love, loyalty or character — and it should not be used as a tool for control or punishment.
If you are considering a relationship polygraph examination, the first step is a confidential discussion about suitability, scope and question formulation with a professional examiner.
Frequently Asked Questions
What questions can be asked in an infidelity polygraph test?
Questions should usually focus on specific past behaviour, such as sexual contact, contact with a named person, dating app use or agreed relationship boundaries within a defined timeframe.
Can I ask if my partner still loves me?
No. Questions about love, feelings, emotions or relationship commitment are generally unsuitable for polygraph testing because they are subjective and not behaviourally specific.
Can a polygraph tell me if my partner will cheat again?
No. A polygraph examination is not designed to predict future behaviour or guarantee future fidelity. Questions should focus on clearly defined past behaviour.
Are surprise questions used?
No. Relevant questions should be discussed and understood before the examination. Surprise questions are not used in a professional polygraph examination.
Can online cheating or dating app use be tested?
It may be possible where the behaviour is clearly defined, the timeframe is specific and the question can be answered clearly. Vague terms such as “inappropriate online behaviour” should be avoided.
Can pornography use be included in the questions?
It may be considered where it is directly relevant to the agreed issue and can be defined clearly, but questions should be handled carefully and without shaming or moralising.
Will the result prove whether someone cheated?
A polygraph may provide investigative information about a specific issue, but it should not be described as absolute proof. Results should be considered alongside the wider relationship context and other relevant information.
Does both-partner consent matter?
The examinee must give informed consent. A polygraph examination should not be used to intimidate, punish, control or humiliate someone.
Important Disclaimer
This article is provided for general educational and consumer information only. It does not constitute therapeutic advice, relationship counselling, legal advice, safeguarding advice, or medical advice. Polygraph results are investigative information and should not be treated as absolute proof of truth or deception. They do not replace counselling, legal advice, safeguarding procedures or personal decision-making. No solicitor-client, therapeutic or professional-client relationship is created by this publication.
Dr Keith Ashcroft is the Principal Forensic Polygraph Examiner at the Centre for Forensic Neuroscience. For professional enquiries concerning relationship and infidelity polygraph examinations, contact Dr Keith Ashcroft.